Marty- Chapter 2

“So, it was ‘bout three weeks ago. Had t’have been a Saturday. I was up at a party around the Sunnylands area. A wee detached place in an estate about five minutes from here. At the start of the night there was no trouble. The guy whose house the party was at was a friend of a friend and he was happy to have our lot. Not that he needed the extra people. The house was bunged!

Right, anyway, it was me and about five or six of me mates. John, Andrew, Spanner (some guy I know from cage fightin’) and a couple of others. So, we are just sittin’ around, drinkin’ whatever we can get our hands on (I had bought myself a bottle of buckfast the day before but finished it before I got within drivin’ distance of the party). We’re all there minding our own business, not talkin’ to no-one but not causin’ any bother either. Right across the party, two rooms away, I see this smokin’ hot girl starin’ right back at me with these fuckin’ gorgeous eyes. I mean, they just about caught up all the light in the place and shot it right at me they were that bright. They were light bloody lazer beams of something. Never seen a girl like’er. Just stunning. All the same, I say to my mate, John, ‘What about that girl, right over there?’ Well, actually, I probably said something more cheesy, like ‘Hot chick at 12’o’clock’ or some shit like that. Anyway, he says, ‘I’d ride her all the way to Dublin and back if she gave me half a chance’. Fuckin’ nutcase! ‘Course he was never gonna get a look in. The guy looks like he fell off the highest limb of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, if you know what I mean. Face looks like it’s been hit with a shovel five or six times too many. The width of the backend of a pick-up truck, with enough fat in’im to fill the fuckin’ Grand Canyon. So Spanner butts in: ‘You couldn’t pay me to sleep with a girl like that. Pure, flat-out jail-bait’. Now Spanner would be about my height and build, but there is one key difference. He is bald as the day is long. I mean, you couldn’t find a single hair on that dome with a fuckin’ magnifying glass. Nothing like this tattered mop o’ hair I have here. Fuckin’ smart guy though. He knew this girl was trouble and I paid no attention to him. Big mistake.

So, we shot it back and forth for a while, all good fun, and after slamming another shot of Jaeger down me, I marched over to ‘er like fuckin’ Clint Eastwood or somethin’. She was talkin’ to some other prick, but I knew she’d rather be talkin’ to me. So what I do is I muscle my way in, grab ‘er by the wrist and pull ‘er off to the side. Not too forceful or anything. I could tell she wanted to come. Then I say to her, ‘You don’t really wanna be talkin’ to this douche all night, do ya. Thought you’d rather talk to a real man. I mean, you’re an attractive bird an’ all’. Real suave like, and I bet you wouldn’t believe me if I told you it worked a fuckin’ treat.

So, we start making out, jus’ in some corner, right. It is like little and large. I mean, I practically have to stoop to conquer. She is about five foot five, five foot six, and there’s me going on six and a half. Still, she is just fuckin’ gorgeous! Face framed by straight black hair coming down near her shoulders. At the tips, her hair is dyed a dark red, same colour as her lips. Bloody tasty. Her nose is like a pebble in the middle of a large, bright surface. Makes mine look like a fuckin’ loaf of bread. You don’t even wanna get me started on her breasts. To die for. And her ass would just blow you away. Perfect!

So, as I said, we are making out. I swear she is getting so into it I think she’s gonna pull my tongue right outta my mouth there and then. Things get real hot real fast. Our hands go a few dark places. You know, the usual. She’s like a fuckin’ rabid hyena, pulling on my earring so hard I think she’s gonna rip the whole damn ear off. She whispers in my ear: ‘Do you wanna take this to the bedroom?’ Now, you know as well as I do that this ain’t really a question. Fuckin’ obvious what I’m gonna say, like. But this is someone else’s house. I know I wouldn’t tolerate that sorta shit at my own house, but I’m so fuckin’ worked up I pretty much have to say yes. Women can be fuckin’ cunning sometimes. They know exactly what’s going on in your fucked up mind and they exploit it like your boss takes advantage of your need for cash.

So, we’re going at it like wild animals, for fuck’s sake! Clothes off in a flash, rubber on as fast as lightning. Shit, I’m getting’ hot under the collar just thinkin’ about it. Anyway, I won’t bore you with the gory details. Basically, partway through some tanked fucker comes stormin’ in like a bleedin’ rhinoceros, and grabs me by the collar (I kept my half-buttoned shirt on), and drags me out, fuckin’ dick on show and everything. Talk about fuckin’ indecent exposure, for fuck’s sake. The guy doesn’t even have the decency to throw my clothes out after me.

Of course, me mates are told to fuck off as well, but before he is forcibly removed big Andy, gentle bastard that he is, makes sure to grab my gear before we fuckin’ leg it. Now, if Andy wanted to fight ‘em he coulda done with his good arm tied behind his back. This guy has biceps so wide I couldn’t fight both my hands around one if I wanted to. His face may look like a poorly constructed Mr. Potato-head toy, but he is a bloody nice guy.

So, once we’ve got to a safe distance, I throw my clothes on and we go our separate ways. We all live in Carrick, so you never have too far to walk to get to where you wanna be. After I walk to my place up in Broadlands I practically crawl to my room. If my ma knew what I had been up to she would make damn sure I would never get up to the likes again, if you know what I mean. Snip, snip.

Well, I clear out my pockets same as I always do at the end of a night to see what’s missin’. I find my wallet, keys, phone, the usual shit. Checking my wallet, I find a folded up piece of paper. I unfold it, which believe you me is fuckin’ delicate work at the end of the night. Here, I’ve got it with me:

07*********

We should do this again sometime J xxx

Now, this leaves me in a bit of a tight spot. This girl gets my motor runnin’ something shockin’ and she is givin’ me an open invitation. Signed, sealed, delivered. But there is a pretty damn strong objection. A fuckin’ body builder type who has a vendetta against or somethin’. I mean, callin’ this girl would be like diving off the high board with only concrete below. But I just can’t resist.

So I call her up after a couple of days and I can practically see her big beaming smile through the phone-line. She tells me her names is Lauren Lewis, but her friends call her ‘Little L’. I think it’s a bloody stupid nickname and I tell her as much. I say I’m gonna call her Lauren if that’s alright with her. It is and we arrange to meet up that very night at McDonald’s or some classy joint ‘round that area. Anyway, she can’t stop apologizing as soon as we get there. Apparently that big bastard is her brother, Larry. I joke and say he should be called ‘Fuckin’ L’. You get it. Anyway, he can be damn protective sometimes, apparently. It was their parent’s house that the party was in. So now I kinda sympathise with the guy, and it all makes a little more sense. It’s not like I’m gonna stop buckin’ this girl because of it or anythin’. That would be crazy.

So after we have our romantic meal we go and see some goofy chick-flick. Of course I don’t watch it at all and my fingers barely see the light of day, but that was the idea.

This kinda thing goes on for a few weeks. Movie nights and trips to BOX and all that usual shit. It all ends in the same way, though. Her on ‘er back and me with a big stupid grin on my face.

This all brings us to earlier on t’night. She calls me up at ‘bout half seven. Bloody strange call. I can’t explain it, she just sounded different. Very matter-of-fact, like a business call or somethin’. I definitely know somethin’ ain’t right when she asks me round to her place. Now, I ain’t been there since that fuckin’ party and I’m not hurryin’ back. But I am guessin’ she must be in real trouble or she wouldn’t ask, so I head down.

I enter their wee Sunnylands estate and somethin’ doesn’t feel right, you know. I feel like I’m being watched like some fuckin’ lion on display at the zoo, except I can’t see who’s watchin’ me and step by step it’s gettin’ worse. By the time I get to the house the feeling’s worse than ever. And then who do I see. Only Larry ‘Fuckin’ L’ Lewis. Now I’ve heard all about this guy from his little sister. Six foot four, rugby player, Gemini, twenty-four years of age. Everything. It is pretty clear, even to me, that he has set this up. But before I can react his two massive henchmen fuck me over, kicking lumps out o’ me ‘til I’m out cold. Didn’t even get a look at them. It’s only when I regain consciousness that that bastard, Larry, takes a baseball bat to my ankle. Then he just leaves me there to bleed”